The Monster Method

I'm a runner. I've been running seriously since January 1, 2000. I run a lot, and if I'm training for a race, a whole lot. I do a half marathon every year and a full marathon every other year. Running has made me pretty damn fit, pretty damn spry.

And yet, something was missing. I tried getting up before dawn every other day and going to the cheap gym I joined to do some feeble, zombied reps on the weight machines. This didn't do anything that pushups on the living room floor wouldn't do, it wasn't any fun, and it was easy to blow off.

Now, my kids take karate at Metro Martial Arts and Fitness on High Street in Columbus. Metro moved into a new location awhile back, and the owner, Vic Magary, had a vision. It involved a large, high-ceilinged storage room at the back of the studio. He fixed it up, but he didn't fancy it up. It has cinder-block walls, a concrete floor, exposed ductwork, no windows...it looks like a dungeon. The dungeon is home to the Monster Method workout.

To call it Old School is kind of trite. It's more like Olde Schoole. Mats. Medicine balls. Barbells. Dumbbells. Kettlebells. Jumpropes. Chinning bars. A tractor tire. And a guy with a stopwatch.

Vic is the guy. Twice a week, at 6:00 a.m., I and anywhere from five to ten other victims do a circuit class of high intensity interval training. The stations, the activities, change from one class to the next. For instance, here's what we did Tuesday morning:

1. I started at the hopscotch station. I know, doesn't exactly sound badass. This is a station where you stand on a mat about 4 feet square with dots arranged in a quincunx. You start with feet on two widely spaced dots at the bottom, bring your feet together as you hop onto the center dot, then out wide again to the dots at the top. And back. Fast. Over and over. Now, I was cool with this. My legs are pretty strong, so this was no biggie--but I should have ended on it, not started on it.

2. Trunk rotation station. Sit on a mat, heels in the air, and touch a medicine ball to the floor on either side of you. Over and over.

3. Rebounder. 20 pound rubber medicine ball, hurl it sideways at the cement wall, get the rebound, do it from the other side. Over and over.

4. Ab wheel. A small wheel with handles on either side, which you grip as you roll from a kneeling position down to a fully extended position, then back. Over and over.

5. Burpee pullups. Urgh. Burpee=squat, then prone, chest on the floor in pushup position, back to a tuck, then extend and jump. Only on the jump, now you grab the bar and end with a pullup. Release the bar and back to your squat. Over and over.

6. Thrusters. Barbell (I used 75lbs today) at chest/shoulder height ("clean" position, is it?), squat down until your butt touches the medicine ball, then fully extend so the barbell is over your head. Then back down, like a piston...over and over.

Each station for 40 seconds, with a 15 second break in between. Four rounds with a minute between rounds.

This is a very, very efficient workout, which is maybe what appeals to me the most. In about a half an hour you get your ass thoroughly kicked, and you never master it because each time you go as hard as you can. More weight, faster reps, variations...You can get good at it, and I've gotten pretty good at it, but it never, ever fails to absolutely wipe you out. (If it does fail to do so, you were doing it wrong.) Oh, oh, oh!--and just when you get comfortable, you go in and Vic has something special planned, like Tabata intervals (google it) or "the human stopwatch", wherein everyone keeps going at their station until one person does a predetermined number of reps on one of the stations. The possibility of special days will keep you on your toes.

The MM has turned out to be the missing piece to my personal fitness strategy. I dread it, but not nearly as much as I look forward to it. I have missed it twice, when I was on vacation. I'm paying more for it than the cheap gym, but it's still pretty damn cheap, and besides, it works.

Do it. I dare you. Do it one time.